It's amazing how quickly news can change- and so drastically. It's like being in super air conditioning cold and then hopping off the bus and being hit by hot hot 99 degree heat. In your face. Really really good news can make you dumbfounded just as much as really bad news can. I feel smacked. I still don't know what to think, or how to think about it. Yesterday I was gleefully bouncing off the walls and telling everyone I know that news is good, and my chemo was booting out the cancer. But that was yesterday.
It's so hard to tell this bad news. I had another appointment with two radiologists early this morning to go over my scans again to see if the Cyberknife procedures I had done this past spring worked- they did, which is good. However, what no one has ever told me is that there are tumors near my right kidney. They have been lurking there all summer and no one noticed or, if they had, they never brought it up with me. So that's a new surprise. Also, my oncologist yesterday did not do as thorough of a scan reading, and it appears that the lung tumors have been progressing. This is all such extreme opposite of what I was sailing on yesterday, and telling everyone. I'm still taking this in, and have yet to talk to my oncologist about it. So what happens now I don't know. It goes to show you can't always, and never should, just rely on one single source for information like this. There are many other doctors out there, who all have such different approaches. So that is what I am looking forward to now.
I must also say that I love, LOVE getting all these heartfelt emails from everyone. I most want to respond to everyone, too. But right now I'm so overwhelmed, I only feel like communicating to everyone in one single message for now, in this case, through this blog entry. So if I don't directly respond to wonderful email notes to me, please, please know that I am thinking about the lovely ones who have written them. In time, I'll get more energy and gump to write to people more. More hemoglobin, please! And thank you . . .
5 comments:
Nora! It's an old Central HS homie Elise Haupt! I heard about your cancer fight a year or so ago from Mary Callahan, but was terrible and did not email you! So then Majken Hall sent this to me and so now here I am, wishing you all the best and hoping that you keep fighting the good fight! I suppose you're not doing any distance running to Great Harvest for bread samples lately, eh? :)
Damn it! If I could personally go and beat up every cancer cell myself, I would! But I refuse to believe that the bad news is the whole truth. I think you should focus on the good news you heard the other day, and go with it.
Nora, you are pretty special, but not so special that chemo can't or won't work on you! {tongue in cheek}
Anyway, I know this might seem overwhelming right now, and I know you have been fighting for a long time, but I feel like you will beat this, and go on to help others in similar battles, however that may be. The world needs a Noisy Nora!
Anyway, I am always around if you ever need to talk!
-Dawn (you know from that one place that shall remain nameless (don't tell anyone I wrote ya.))
I agree with calling those Tumors little fuckers...I think you are so strong! Next week we will indulge in some Top Model madness ey?
Keep kickin' some cancer ass, Miss Nora! I'm off to see Joan as Police Woman tonight here in Melbourne. Check out her records if you haven't already! xx
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