8.29.2008

Good Lickin's


Me and a friend of mine (in Canada) have a little notebook that we send back and forth with stories and notes in it. I just got the notebook back in the mail from her this week and looked back at a story I had written last November. It's entirely gross and entirely true. Here it is.

Last Sunday my folks went out for the afternoon and I stayed home. I settled in for a nap. Before mom left, she told me to do her a favor. She said, "When you hear the timer go off on the stove, could you turn off the burner and put the lid on the pot?" I knew she was steaming a cow tongue we have had in the freezer for ages. She grew up eating tongue and tried to make us kids grow up eating it, too. We wouldn't have it. Tastebuds on tastebuds just isn't pleasant. So I tried to rest without passing out because I had to be attentive for the timer. The whole while I smelled the tongue steaming. After a few hours, the buzzer went off and I leapt downstairs, turned off the buzzer and put the lid on the pot. Then I went all the way up to the attic and poked around on the internet for a while. The rancid smell was getting worse and stronger- the steamed tongue, that is. I didn't really think much about it, though. My folks came home and I heard them come in downstairs. I didn't feel like talking to them. I heard my mom yell, "DAMN! NORA!" and that's when I realized I forgot to turn off the burner. That damn nasty tongue had licked up all the water in the pot. I ran downstairs. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Dreadful me!" Mom forked the tongue, about as big as a size 7 women's shoe, and plopped it back in the pot. It was gray. So sick. Mom said, "Well, you know, maybe it's okay."
At dinner I had to watch and listen to them smack their lips eating the gray, fleshy tongue. They would not dare offer me a piece.
A few nights later, I had left-over soup and there were little gray chunks in it. My mom said it wasn't tongue, but it's totally something she might do. I don't think it was, though, because there's still a Tupperware container labeled "TONGUE" in the fridge.

9 comments:

Nance said...

Tongue sandwich anyone?

ellen said...

Oh, EEEW!!! TMI!
-ellen

Alicia said...

HAHAHAHAHHA! I LOved that story. Especially when I got to read it in your amazing handwriting!

Dr Em said...

ew!!! We grew up listening to my dad tell us all about tongue and butter sandwiches and how they would fight over the tip of the tongue. He never cooked it for us though - thank goodness!

MNMan said...

You poor thing...having to live with a family that eats tongue and pickled turkey gizzards! Sounds like something out of a Raoul Dahl story!

Dan said...

Hi Nora, I found out about your blog through Sarah. I have just read your blog for the 1st time today. I knew you when you were about 12, and I actually have stayed in the attic a few days with Emily when she used to reside up there. To comment on your lovely & comical story, the smell must have been quite effulgent to reach the attic. I wanted to express my support for you. You were always a great kid and still seem to be effervescent as the young adult that you are; I also think Brian & Nance are awesome, so it’s not surprising. I wish them the best too. I hope things go as well as they possibly can. So I want to let you know one more person is pulling for you. - Dan

Jess said...

Ee-he-hew! Makes me think of the cosby episode when Dr. Huxtable makes tongue and Theo says, "I don't want to taste anything that can taste me!"

mj said...

How about some raisin sauce with that tongue!?

BellowsDimond said...

oh gross..i woulda burnt it on purpose..