drugs are no good
There's too much going into being a cancer patient. It's too difficult to keep up with it all and there's no rewards. I'm starting to lose it. I take all these drugs now- drugs to get the cancer out, but then along with that, drugs to try to make me feel normal since the cancer drugs make me feel like I've died already. Drugs to cure the pain and aches, but then more drugs to cure the constipation I get from the drugs that cure the pain and aches. Drugs to keep me from getting other infections, like shots to boost my red and white blood cells, or anti-biotics to keep me from getting pneumonia. Shots to give myself so I don't get blood clots before it's too late. Drugs to keep my brain sane, knowing that I have a chronic and terminal "cancer" and all. Drugs to make me eat- everything tastes like grainy metallic paste. There's a headache. Drugs for headaches because all these drugs, well, they mess with your body and head and make you loopy with headaches. Drugs to keep the incessant cough and tickle in my throat from making me hack everytime I want to say something. How did I ever get into this? Yeah, so I'm more than fed up with this. I wish I could hibernate from it all and come out again brand new feeling, with no tubes in my nose, and eyes that have eyebrows and eyelashes so I don't scare the kids so much with my sallow Gullum-like glower. I'm beyond the sob my eyes out now. It's just glare at things, hold my body tight together so it doesn't fall apart and break and try to read or something- even that tastes bad, though. This unlucky capsule is where I have to live in day to day until a miracle let's me out. This all sounds like Gothic sludge, I don't know what else to say. I can't even see that the sun today is it's usual color. That's why I am apologizing now for putting a major hold on the blog-writing for now. No one wants to read a blog like this! And this is what I'm afraid it's going to be like for a while. Go check out fun, inspiring websites, like boingboing, or something or other. Don't worry, it's the same me writing this awful slop, but I just don't want anyone to have to drudge themselves into it. I'll come back later, maybe next year, even.